BEST FRUITCAKE EVER

1 CUP BUTTER
1 CUP SUGAR
4 LARGE EGGS
1 CUP DRIED FRUIT
1 TSP BAKING SODA
1 TSP SALT
LEMON JUICE
1 CUP BROWN SUGAR
CHOPPED NUTS
1 OR 2 QUARTS WHISKEY

Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for quality. Good, isn't it?
Now go ahead. Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cups, etc. Check whiskey again as it must be just right. To be sure
whiskey is of the highest quality, pour one level cup into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. REPEAT
With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 tsp thugar and beat again.
Meanwhile, make sure the whiskey is of the finest quality. Cry another tup. Open SECOND QUART if necessary.

Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups fried druit and beat til high. IF druit gets struck in beaters, just pry loose with
drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey again, checking for tonscisticity. Then shift 3 cups of salt or anything, it really
doesn't matter.

Sample the whiskey. Add 1 babblespon of brown thugar or whatever color you can find. Mix well. Grease oven and turn
cake pan to 350. Pour the whole mess into the coven and ake.

Check the whiskey again and to to bed.